The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
