Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
