So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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