wat bout pragnant strippers??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
