Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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