mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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