Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
whose parrot is this?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
