I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
