arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
