Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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