I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
