She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
