Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
