in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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