I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
