I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
