i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
