I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
