He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
