If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
