awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
