420 ftw
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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