I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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