Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
