When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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