Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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