god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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