hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
