Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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