i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
