I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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