The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
