i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
