I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she looked like the before picture.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
