On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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