Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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