is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
