What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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