Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
