when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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