He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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