my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
