There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
