D3 body, D1 cock
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
