yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My ass is underappreciated
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
