Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he high fived his dick after we had sex
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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