i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
