I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
