Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
