Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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