I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
