and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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